is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
