It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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