i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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