sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
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Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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