Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize