You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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