One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
