So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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