He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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