and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
