oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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