i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
