I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize