there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
