new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Damn victory sex feels great
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
