somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We talked him into tasing himself.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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