my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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