just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
