I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
