i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
