Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
