I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
