When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
