why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
