thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
