The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
