Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
