one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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