I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
