I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize