he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
