It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
