Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
