he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
