I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I forgot how hot balto sounded
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
