We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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