party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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