how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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