Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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