Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
