Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
