I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
