Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Buhtt sex?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
