were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
