She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
