What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
