3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize