i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
