My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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