oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
