Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
