Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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