wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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