Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
