shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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