My pussy is not your playground.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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