Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
