About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize