there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
