Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
