you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
