Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
