took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
