Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
