Do you still have your period?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
