You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
