I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
