Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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