First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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