the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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